We won't sleep together?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
