I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
