is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We're too hungover to prance.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
