I just saw a hot homeless man
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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