The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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