I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
