I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
