my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He called his prostate his "boner button".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
