my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
