No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
