i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize