this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
