I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
