My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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