but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
