bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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