It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize