new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't deserve a penis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
