I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
