Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
