I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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