why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize