You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize