So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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