So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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