Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
