I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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