All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
