I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
