I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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