I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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