You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
