Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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