ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
