I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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