What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
