If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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