please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
