She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
