not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize