i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
