I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
babies were throwing up all over the place
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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