Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
