i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
