You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
