That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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