if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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