your room smells of hookers.
And success
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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