The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
