also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
