My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
