At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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