I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
