Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
