My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
