i jhust puked up my retainher.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You took a bar mat shot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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