at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
