Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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