and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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