I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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