Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
