I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
