the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
