I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
