How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
