my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize