I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
