Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sorry about my life...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
