So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
