the condom got lost in my hair
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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