I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
