Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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