My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Jerry, you need to find god
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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