Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars

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(949): View more from California

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

(312): View more from Illinois

I get to be your mom.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.

(604): View more from British Columbia

And by one day I mean once every two weeks.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet

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(678): View more from Georgia

if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now

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