grandma shit on top of the toilet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
