he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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