You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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