I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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