you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
