That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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