I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
